Sometimes

Change happens. Change brings happiness or sadness, excitement or fear, success or failure, joy or disappointment, career moves or job loss, hope or despair: new friends that come and old friends that depart, the life of a new baby, or the death of a cherished loved one. Sometimes, it’s a feeling we cannot describe. Sometimes our feelings are just over the top, sometimes horrible hurt, sometimes paralyzing fear, sometimes exuberant joy, sometimes deep sorrow, sometimes we don’t even know what we’re feeling.

Learning happens. I have learned from the death of loved ones that life is fleeting. I have learned in the birth of my babies and grandchildren that life is precious. I have learned from the murder of my sister-in-law that evil abounds in this world. I have learned through raising a child with autism that life is unfair. During three years of homelessness and relying on the kindness of others, I have learned that I need to be grateful for what I have.

Life happens. We don’t really have control over much of what happens. In our little sphere, by voting, our prayer life, and the way we treat others, possibly. But, the big things, not really. Life happens. Evil people commit evil deeds. People are born into poverty. Parents and siblings die of cancer. Aunts and Uncles die of Dementia. Siblings are murdered. Loved ones turn to drugs. Children are born with autism. People slander you for no reason. Migraines wreak havoc, medications don’t help but hurt, and doctors give up. Hardworking men lose their jobs. These are just a few of our life experiences. Then the earthquakes shake, plagues cover the planet, and violence invades the land. Our journeys may be different, but change happens, learning happens, life happens, but even through all this, hope happens.

Hope happens if God is at the center of your ever-changing life. Jesus said, “In this world, you will have trials and tribulations, but do not fear, for I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33.) We can hope in something or someone in this constantly changing life. We can lean in and Hope in God. We can surrender to His will, and we can depend on God “who works all things to the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 2:28.)

Through all these experiences, I have learned to lean on a sovereign God and hope in Him. In joy or sorrow, in fear or feeling carefree, I have learned that I must always look to the One who made heaven and earth. The One who holds all things in the palm of His hand. The One who knit me together in my mother’s womb. The One who ordained my days before there was even one of them. I have put my hope in Him. It is He who sustained me when my brother died. It is He who gave me breath when I had double pneumonia. It is He who gave me courage when I thought I would never sing again. It is He who provided comfort when we were homeless and relied on others for shelter. It is He who gave me great joy when my babies were born after hard pregnancies and peace when my mother passed into heaven. Whatever the change, I find my hope, stability, refuge, foundation, strength, joy, salvation, and reason for living in the Sovereign Almighty God.

I wrote a song years ago about changing feelings. I’d like to share this song with you. It’s called Sometimes

Sometimes
Kaci Rigney 1996

Sometimes, when everything’s still,
I don’t quite know how to feel.
I sit alone, and I cry,
But I don’t know why sometimes.

Sometimes, it’s hard to explain…
I feel like watching the rain,
And while it pours down a pace
I stare out in space sometimes.

But sometimes, my heart soars on wings.
I sing, and I do crazy things.
And then, I laugh ’til I cry,
I smile, and I sigh.
Sometimes, my spirit takes flight.
I feel like dancin’ all night.
Even when no one is there
I’m walking on air, sometimes.

Sometimes I am so afraid.
I feel the darkness invade.
I feel like God isn’t there
Or won’t hear my prayer, sometimes.

Sometimes, my heart just cries out.
I don’t know why I should doubt.
But I keep wondering if you
Might feel like I do, sometimes.

But sometimes, my heart soars on wings.
I sing, and I do crazy things.
And then, I laugh ’til I cry,
I smile, and I sigh
Sometimes, my spirit takes flight
I feel like dancin’ all night
Even when no one is there
I’m walking on air, sometimes

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